Being a Multipotentialite
Here’s the thing, we are going to get a little deeper this entry.
I have been feeling a little unmotivated the past few weeks, and this shift in emotional and physical balance has been difficult to adjust to. You are always just a little left of centre when aiming for the ‘normal’ routine, in the back of your mind you know that your current state is not permanent and things will change when the season does. Resulting in your core foundation for normalcy shifted and strange.
I have a bad tendency to put far too much pressure upon myself to find a career, follow a dream and be the best version of myself. With all my spare time here - and let me tell you when you’re on a budget it is not always holidays and adventures, and when you work in a winter season job and it hasn’t snowed for three weeks straight it can get tediously slow for business, which leads you to those philosophical moments of self reflection - I have felt more and more distant from the kind of person I was before leaving Australia. We all go through transitions in life of course but when you can notice it happening it leaves you feeling an unsettled sense of security.
I have ALWAYS strived to be creative, in any and all aspects of my life. A life well lived for me would be if I didn’t have to work a 9-5 desk job to provide food on the table for my family and a roof over heads. No disrespect to those that do - but I have been down the Hospitality/ Retail avenue and to be bleatenly open.. hated how unfulfilled it left me. The dream would be to be my own boss and run a successful entrepreneurial business of my own creation. In order to be successful in any kind of creative field I think versatility is important, it is not enough to just be good at one thing. Lets be real people, its the profit you make that softens any blow of uncertainty. This world runs on more than just smiles and rainbows, which is a hard pill swallow when all you want to do is make a difference BUT any career choice has to be more than only ‘just enough’.
With all this said, I have never been one to run away from a challenge no matter the benefit. I dreamed a HUGE dream which at many moments of my life seemed unrealistic and unachievable, just ask the many of people who said I could never do it. *insert eye roll here* No one was more of a nay sayer than the deep dark part of my brain that tells me just to give up. Now lets fast forward several years later to an older Liz, one that has seen many triumphs and tribulations. I am here treading water, a metaphor in which I have used several times before. But instead of still dreaming and wishing for the same things I wanted before, I find myself capable of openly admitting that I no longer fantasize of the same dreams anymore. This is earth shattering strange of me because when I was young and going through the death of so many people I held close, not to mention growing up as a young teenager and the indecisiveness that came in territory of all this, I ALWAYS knew what I wanted to be. I found comfort being in front of others on the stage, on the screen wherever I could. Most likely because I could pretend to be someone other than myself, when your hurting it is easy to just hide behind something other than what you actually need to deal with.
I have a memory seared in my mind from a moment of uncertainty many years ago. I was unsettled and restless due to the same reason I find myself babbling about now, my friend said to me “If you have any doubt in your mind about this path than it just simply is not for you” - now this is 100% true. If I can impart any wisdom on anyone feeling a little on the fence about that stupid question “What do you want to be?” is if you don’t know what you want to do than that is OKAY too. I too have to tell myself it is OKAY to not want the same things I once did. Realistically we are aware that we can not live off nothing and commitment to a profession is important for secure stability but give me a break, why can’t we be many things and have less stress placed upon our tiny shoulders.
I hang my head in shame to admit I have this internal battle with myself at LEAST once or twice a month and on a good day at least every day. Pause for dramatic effect..
Im so exhausted of searching to be better than I already am, WHY do we even care that much? WHY is it that we place these ticking time-bombs on our laps and get so upset when they explode in our faces only to be the person who stressfully put it there in the first place. Then when we feel like we need fulfillment, we place another stressful void within ourselves to potentially never fill. I once heard this saying ‘You are enough, you are so enough, its unbelievable how enough you are’. I find myself repeating this inside my head often, more so now that I feel a change in the winds around me. Travel does this to you though, actually really its only the time needed to reflect that will enable a chance for you to seek the things you want to most.
I realise 5 paragraphs in that I literally have just rambled on about something that may not even interest you, or even make much sense. If in the case that anything I have said resonates with you than you will know that you are not alone in how you feel or where you may be at in your life. Whilst living abroad I should make it a designated time to instil some serious self love methods and belief's that just because I am here doesn't mean I will amount to nothing. A life is meant to be lived right? I feel that it will be a bigger blessing to be wandering around searching for this than to have never even left the stagnant and miserable places we settle for. Trusting in the process and journey that is intended for you is extremely difficult if like me you need to know where you are going and irritably struggle when you don’t but lets all take a moment to realize were not getting out of this adventure alive so why the hell are we even still talking about this?
My dearest friend tagged me in this video and it changed my life, let me show it to you in a hope that it will perform the same miracle to you.
Until next time,
- Liz x